At the dawning of the first age of Myk'Lok, on the faraway planet of Niz'thar, a great civil war was ready to tear the people of the kingdom of Bas'mon apart. Brother fought brother. Father fought son. The only hope of lasting peace rested in but one thing - the Fel'Nov Egg, which resided in the nest of a great dragon in a faraway kingdom.

The armies of the King and the Resistance both sent their best men to seek this treasure and bring about peace. Lieutenant Boswell of the King's Army, and Reginald of the Resistance. After a harrowing journey across hostile lands where monsters abated them at every pace, the pair arrived at the cave of the dragon, who thankfully was out taking some rented videos back, so they were able to take the egg without resistance and bring it back to the city hall in the centre of the capital city of Bas'mon.

But when the egg was cracked, a great force was released. An entity with no direction and no sentience but which possessed almost infinite power. In the first second of its creation it killed half the peasants in the kingdom, incinerated countless crop fields and filled the sky with dark and choking dust which would remain for three score centuries.

Eventually descendants of Boswell and Reginald found a way to harness this unstoppable force, and imprisoned it inside an attractive mock leather briefcase. It was agreed instantly that this was a power that should never be released again, far too wild and uncontrollable to be of any real use. It was sealed up inside a steel canister and blasted into space.

It was many billions of years later that the canister drifted into the system of Sol, and was pulled into the orbit of the planet Earth. Screaming through the atmosphere it landed with an almighty bang deep in the green countryside of the nation known as England. It was found by a young man by the name of Yahtzee, a local scamp, who could not understand the language of the warning inscribed in its side, and eagerly cracked open the capsule with an oxy-acetylene torch.

And lo was the force unleashed once again, but now it was smaller, subdued. Over its millions of years of drifting in cold, empty space it had developed rudimentary sentience, and no longer wished to be alone. It pleaded with Yahtzee, promised never to kill again. It asked only to be his friend.

And so Yahtzee took pity on this being of pure energy, and he took it home, and gave it a nice computer to live in. With its help his system was always strong and fast enough to run all the latest games, but the energy was not satisfied. It felt incomplete. It wanted a name.

Yahtzee gave it a name.

And he named it Fully Ramblomatic.

And Fully Ramblomatic said that this name was gay, but Yahtzee was adamant. And so was the entity named.

A few days later Fully Ramblomatic found a way into the Internet. And now you know the rest of the story.


REAL NAME: Ben Croshaw
POSITION: Editor/Webmaster/Staff writer
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil
SHOE SIZE: 12 and a half

Yahtzee was born in Warwickshire, England, on the day of the great storm of 1983. Twenty years later, when England had become too small to accommodate the five hundred kilometre-wide tumour growing out of the back of his neck, he moved to Brisbane, Australia, where a chance encounter with an enraged surfer caused the tumour to become detached. It has now gone on to star in a number of Japanese fetish videos, while Yahtzee occupies a treehouse on the edge of the city, struggling to learn how to live with corks around his hat. The enraged surfer tries to keep in touch, but Yahtzee never answers his phone.

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