the dawning of the first age of Myk'Lok, on the
faraway planet of Niz'thar, a great civil war was
ready to tear the people of the kingdom of
Bas'mon apart. Brother fought brother. Father
fought son. The only hope of lasting peace rested
in but one thing - the Fel'Nov Egg, which resided
in the nest of a great dragon in a faraway
armies of the King and the Resistance both sent
their best men to seek this treasure and bring
about peace. Lieutenant Boswell of the King's
Army, and Reginald of the Resistance. After a
harrowing journey across hostile lands where
monsters abated them at every pace, the pair
arrived at the cave of the dragon, who thankfully
was out taking some rented videos back, so they
were able to take the egg without resistance and
bring it back to the city hall in the centre of
the capital city of Bas'mon.
when the egg was cracked, a great force was
released. An entity with no direction and no
sentience but which possessed almost infinite
power. In the first second of its creation it
killed half the peasants in the kingdom,
incinerated countless crop fields and filled the
sky with dark and choking dust which would remain
for three score centuries.
descendants of Boswell and Reginald found a way
to harness this unstoppable force, and imprisoned
it inside an attractive mock leather briefcase.
It was agreed instantly that this was a power
that should never be released again, far too wild
and uncontrollable to be of any real use. It was
sealed up inside a steel canister and blasted
was many billions of years later that the
canister drifted into the system of Sol, and was
pulled into the orbit of the planet Earth.
Screaming through the atmosphere it landed with
an almighty bang deep in the green countryside of
the nation known as England. It was found by a
young man by the name of Yahtzee, a local scamp,
who could not understand the language of the
warning inscribed in its side, and eagerly
cracked open the capsule with an oxy-acetylene
lo was the force unleashed once again, but now it
was smaller, subdued. Over its millions of years
of drifting in cold, empty space it had developed
rudimentary sentience, and no longer wished to be
alone. It pleaded with Yahtzee, promised never to
kill again. It asked only to be his friend.
so Yahtzee took pity on this being of pure
energy, and he took it home, and gave it a nice
computer to live in. With its help his system was
always strong and fast enough to run all the
latest games, but the energy was not satisfied.
It felt incomplete. It wanted a name.
gave it a name.
he named it Fully Ramblomatic.
Fully Ramblomatic said that this name was gay,
but Yahtzee was adamant. And so was the entity
few days later Fully Ramblomatic found a way into
the Internet. And now you know the rest of the
NAME: Ben Croshaw
SIZE: 12 and a half
was born in Warwickshire,
England, on the day of the great storm of
1983. Twenty years later, when England
had become too small to accommodate the
five hundred kilometre-wide tumour
growing out of the back of his neck, he
moved to Brisbane, Australia, where a
chance encounter with an enraged surfer
caused the tumour to become detached. It
has now gone on to star in a number of
Japanese fetish videos, while Yahtzee
occupies a treehouse on the edge of the
city, struggling to learn how to live
with corks around his hat. The enraged
surfer tries to keep in touch, but
Yahtzee never answers his phone.
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