regular readers of Fully Ramblomatic should know
by now (bloody hell should they know by now), my
girlfriend Sarah went to Australia this week
without me, leaving me to try and make enough
money to follow her. Let me assure you at this
point that she does know about this, and I'm not
trying to stalk or her anything.
for the next few months, it seems I have been
demoted in the nerd heirarchy to 'Nerd Of The
World', one rank below 'Nerd With Girlfriend' and
one rank above 'Virgin Nerd'. Because as any nerd
will tell you, our greatest weapon in the ongoing
battle against those buff sporty types and the
suave prettyboys are the Nerds With Girlfriends.
Nothing infuriates them more.
been getting increasingly depressed with each
passing second we're apart, so I figured I'd have
a go at some self-help therapy with this week's
article. An article I like to call:
THINGS ABOUT NOT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND
can watch whatever I want on TV. Now I won't have
to see her tut and roll her eyes when I insist on
watching Columbo rather than spend time with her.
And I can watch kid's TV without embarrassment.
don't have to fret about the possibility of her
being pregnant every time she gets tummy ache.
won't have to throw her off the computer so I can
update my site or do some writing, a prospect I
always feel guilty about.
When I'm cooking some chips for myself, I don't
have to listen to my parents say "Why don't
you cook some for Sarah as well?"
can go back to wearing the same shirt for three
weeks, not wearing deodorant, and only changing
socks when they evolve the intelligence necessary
to attack mankind.
won't get a twinge in my back from sleeping two
to a single bed.
can have sex with other women, animals and
kitchen appliances whenever I want.
can remove some of her stuff that was taking up
large amounts of space on my hard drive and
replace it with hentai games.
Not that I would want to have sex with other
women, animals and kitchen appliances, you
understand, I was just giving examples.
When I write an update I can be blissfully
unaware of exactly how dire it is unless some
inconsiderate person sends me a mail to the
won't have to embarrass myself trying to do
press-ups in front of her.
mean, other women don't do it for me, I don't
know where to find an appropriate female animal,
and one bloke I knew tried to have sex with a
kitchen appliance, he had to wear a kilt for six
months. And now I come to think about it, I don't
particularly want to wear the same shirt for
three weeks either. It gets all sticky and gross.
Sod this. Being single sucks balls.
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