And here's the last fifty questions from the lame circular e-mail I was sent! If you missed the first fifty, now would be a good time to check them out.


51.MOsT bLoNdE: Unless I'm judging some sort of 'most effective use of peroxide' contest I see little point in answering this question.

BeSt pErSoNaLiTy:
BeSt aLL aRoUnD pErSoN:
Why, exactly, do these five questions apparently only count as one, while 'Most Blonde' gets a number all to itself? Are you compiling some sort of international population database based on how blonde everyone is? Still, I shouldn't make fun, as I myself have had my proposal for a worldwide database of 'number of times people have seen When Harry Met Sally' rejected many times.

53. What do you think of soul mates? Interestingly, it's the only film I can find on the IMDB that doesn't have any positive reviews. Look!

54. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf? You're writing a circular email. Do you really think this is going to apply to most of the recipients?

55. What was the last thing you cried over or got teary about? Trying to come up with a funny answer to question 51.

56. wats something about guys/girls you don't get: Venereal disease, but then I'm always careful.

57. Are you happy? No.

58. Why? See question 55.

59. What's an object you can't live without? My central nervous system.

60. Love or lust: There's a difference?

61. Silver or gold: Depends. I've personally never met any athletes say they're 'going for silver', but then 'Gold' isn't a very good name for a horse.

62. diamond or pearl: Hmm. Rocks or oyster shit. Decisions, decisions.

63. Sunset or sunrise: Oh, please. I can't say I have much enthusiasm for different stages of the Earth's rotation.

64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: I made a candle in art class once, if that's what you mean.

65. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yes. Well, they're well and truly stuffed by morning, anyway. Rowr!

66. Do you have any piercings: Only when I'm receiving innoculations.

67. what colour underwear are you wearing right now: 'Forest Opal'.

68. What song are u listening to right now? 'Build me up Buttercup'. And you can be sure that's the only honest answer I'm going to give, as I found it rather spooky that this test knew I had my mp3 playlist on the go.

69. What are the last four digits of your phone number? Why? Are you running a lottery?

70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? All the way, I would have hoped.

71. Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with? The first person who can tell me the name of Alvin Stardust's follow-up to 'My Coo-Ca-Choo'. Answers on a postcard. Employees of Fully Ramblomatic and Lance & Eskimo not eligible.

72. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: The outer skin layer.

73. Favourite sport? That one with the two guys.

74. What makes you happy? I can't say, as they're illegal in most countries.

75. What's the next c.d/s you're gonna get? You know, it really isn't that difficult to type the word 'CDs'.

76. Do u wear contacts or glasses? Is this another of those Either/Or questions? Because if it is, then congratulations, you've finally realised your audience.

77. What's the best advice given to you? "Get the hell off that transformer, you fucking lunatic!"

78. Have u ever won any special awards? My mum thinks I'm special.

79. What are your future goals? Finish this test without pulling my eyes out.

80. whats the worse sickness you've had? I'm not sure of the exact details, but I know I woke up afterwards on the Basingstoke roundabout with blood on my hands.

81. Do you like Funny or Scary movies better: There's a difference?

82. On the phone or in person? You can't have sex with a phone. Well, you can, but it puts the person on the other end in a very awkward position.

83. Hugs or kisses? I refuse to answer this question, as I am a man. I am too busy doing press-ups and grunting.

84. What song seems to reflect you the most? 'Smack My Bitch Up' by the Prodigy.

85. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? I wouldn't care, as I would be dead.

86. Do u have any enemies? No, but I have a feeling I'll have made a few by the end of this article.

87. What is your greatest fear? Finding a penis in my trousers that isn't mine.

88. Would you rather be rich or famous? I don't really mind. They can both get you good tables at restaurants.

89. What time is it in Albania now?: You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a shit.

90. Have you ever been in love? Not since I got the restraining order.

91. Have you met Santa? Look, I know you're running out of ideas for questions, but you haven't even asked me if I'm a virgin yet.

92. If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace sign and asked you to use your phone, what would u do? Lay off the answer to question 74.

93. Last time you talked to the person that you like: The last time I watched Army of Darkness, but he didn't answer me.

94. Do u have any pets? There're probably a few dust mites in my carpet.

95. Whats your email address? You must know it if you sent this test to it, you bloody idiot.

96. Last time you were depressed: From about the time I started this quiz to round abooout.... now.

97. Are you an alcoholic? I am now.

98. Who sent this to you? Ben 'Space Monkey' 'Jest ye not madam' Hall.

99. What do you think of this person: (this space intentionally left blank)

100. Do u want your friends to write back? Yes, as long as their mail incorporates the following text:

"Hey Yahtzee,

That test was fucking lame.

And you are fucking lame for writing two updates about it.

In order to motivate you towards writing better stuff, please help yourself to everything I own.

Yours sincerely,

(Your Name Here)"

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