About a year ago, my fellow Redclouders held a little competition. Trying to decide which of them was the cutest, they left the decision up to the readers. This may have proved a mistake, as it is well-known that the proletariat can't be trusted to vote for anything. I'm talking about people who very nearly voted Princess Diana the greatest Briton who ever lived.

Anyway, my point is, at the time I wasn't a fully paid-up Redcloud brother and as such was excluded from the competition, because they're all a bunch of nazis. Now, however, I have been writing for L&E for a year and a half and have the words 'Redcloud Brother' under my name when I post on the messageboard, so it's probably high time I made my case.

Of course, the voting has long since closed. If I am to be Cutest Redcloud Brother, the title will have to be an unofficial one, active only in the hearts and minds of the readers. I know that I will be unable to get the Cutest Redcloud Brother Discount at McDonalds, and that I will be unable to pass law. If, however, I can get everyone who reads this to think "My my, that Yahtzee certainly deserves to be Cutest Redcloud Brother more than any of those other posers" then my mission is successful.

So, without further ado:


Friends, my case for why you should accept me as Cutest Redcloud Brother is a simple one:

1. I'm English.
2. None of the others are.

Sure, you may deny the fact that English people are cuter by default than anyone else. You may make up silly little myths like how we're all supposed to have bad teeth. I, personally, have perfect teeth, having had some corrective dentistry during my childhood. Oh, and I have a crown on one of my front teeth. Half of it was broken off after I was hit in the face by a desk desperate thief trying to get away with a young lady's handbag, who I artfully foiled, because that's just the kind of guy I am.

Americans always think English people are cute. Look at the reception Prince William gets every time he goes across the pond. Screaming girls and knickers thrown at him front, left and centre. You don't seem to notice the fact that he's an inbred wastrel with a big nose and teeth like a Shetland pony's. It's just the imbued Englishness radiating off him and interfering with your internal cuteness radar. Oh, and three words: James Friggin' Bond. Arguably the most desirable man in the entire world, who can 'cure' even the most militant of lesbians with a single raised eyebrow, is English. How can you argue with such evidence?

You might say that this is sounding more like an argument for why James Bond should be Cutest Redcloud Brother. Not so! If you'll let me finish, I'm going to go on to say that James Bond and I have a lot more in common than you might think. He can raise one eyebrow independent of the other, and so can I! He works for MI6, and I once failed a job interview to get into the Royal Air Force! He's an international superspy wanted by women everywhere, and I write silly pirate novels! If I had been played by five different people over four decades, you wouldn't be able to tell us apart!

If you'll look at the little cartoons Laura did for all the Redclouders, you'll notice that I'm the only one who isn't smiling. Furthermore, I'm the only one who doesn't live in the US. Furthermore, I'm the only one who stands at six foot four inches. I'm what you'd call the 'outcast', or the 'black sheep' of the family. In other words, I, unlike any of the others, have the 'mysterious' factor on my side. If that doesn't give me enough cute points to propel me to the top of the list, I don't know what does. Also, I can raise one eyebrow independent of the other.

So, forget whoever eventually won the vote last year. When you're thinking of Cutest Redcloud Brother, think of the obvious choice: Me! If I still haven't convinced you, here are some of the more memorable scenes from my old comic strip.

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