anyway, after last week's badly concealed rant
about a crap C64 rom I found about Nightmare on
Elm Street, I felt refreshed and anew, ready to
take on the world of emulation again. So I did a
spot of digging around at Lemon 64 and found -
brace yourselves, humanity - a rom for a game
called Friday the 13th!
imagine my surprise! So off I went to download
and play the sumptuous treat it would no doubt
turn out to be. After all, what are the odds of
TWO C64 games based on popular horror movies
being unplayable shit?
in mind I was about a week younger then, not as
wise to the ways of the world that I am now. I
learnt two things from this experience - that it
IS possible for more than one C64 game based on a
popular horror movie to be unplayable shit, and
that you should never trust strangers.
the ROM loads we get a title screen depicting
what I think was the video box art from the
misleadingly named Friday the 13th Part 4: The
Final Chapter. This was accompanied by a noise
which was probably as close to a human scream as
the C64 sound chip can manage. To its credit it
did sound a lot like a human scream, but then I
realised it was actually me tearing the
headphones off my head as my eardrums exploded.
then we're faced with the intro page.
you were following that story, you may be asking
yourself the rather obvious question I asked
myself, that being "Exactly how do 'I' jump
to the conclusion that Jason has come out to play
by finding a bloodstained mask? And how do 'I'
know his name?" Perhaps the mythical 'me'
entity has seen some of the films, but then why
did I come to Camp Crystal Lake for my holidays?
In the mood for an activity-and-horrible death
package tour, was I? I wouldn't doubt it. The
first couple of times Jason sprung back to life
at Crystal Lake must have surprised the locals,
but after the seventh or eighth time I think they
worked it into the tourism brochure. "Come
to Camp Crystal Lake, where only 34% of visitors
get brutally slaughtered!" I jest. It
actually says "where 66% of visitors DON'T
get brutally slaughtered!" That's called
'accentuating the positive'.
on, I then found myself deposited in what looked
like a church. 'Myself' being a very square young
gentleman with bright yellow hair and a nice blue
top. Moving through the exit to the north I then
found myself outside said church, except the
building seemed to have shrunk a little since I
was inside it. Or perhaps I grew larger. We may
was the first time I felt the soon-to-be familiar
'What the hell am I supposed to do now?' feeling.
Aside from 'FIND JASON BEFORE HE FINDS YOU!!!!' I
hadn't really been given much in the way of
instructions. As far as I could see I was walking
around a small community composed of about 16
screens, through which other little blocky people
also wandered. I also encountered a fair number
of deadly weapons lying around, left there
perhaps by the last one-man lynch mob seeking Mr.
Voorhees. Let's take a look at some of these
tools of destruction.
don't know about you, but just the sight of these
DEATHBRINGERS made me wet myself. Fortunately my
character was made of sterner stuff. When I stood
on top of these treasures and pressed the fire
button it would disappear and reappear in the
'WEAPON' thingy on the status line. Alright! I
thought. Now we're ready for some Jason-bashing
fun! Alas, after wandering the area for several
minutes not a single mask-wearing psychotic could
be found. I did discover, however, that touching
other characters made them run away. Ooh, I
thought, a rape simulator too. When I touched
them they all ran away to the church where I
presume they sought the confessional.
there was one cocky bastard who refused to run
when I placed my lecherous hands on them! Right,
I thought, we'll see who's boss! Having played
around with the controls I had discovered that
pressing a directional key and the fire button
made my character swing his current armament, so
this was what I did then to that ignoramus.
Imagine my surprise when, instead of a graphic
rendering of a blade tearing through flesh, the
pixellated punter transformed into a slightly
taller person wearing black!
was when it all fit into place! No wonder I
hadn't found any people wearing masks! Because,
according to the intro, Jason wasn't wearing it!
And now he was before me, swinging a big white
stick at some other poor bitch, who promptly died
with a repeat of the ear-splitting screech from
the beginning. The swine! I chopped him with the
axe again and again until I was sure only a fine
powder would remain, and the screen blanked. I
was triumphant! Eat that, Voorhees!
next I find myself in the exact same place with
the exact same weapons lying around, but now I
was a different person, a girl with bright red
hair. Ah, I thought, Jason's come back to life
again. At last a game that adheres closely to the
winning formula of the movie series. Oddly,
however, no matter how many people I hit with my
mailbox flag this time round, not one of them
transformed into JV. They didn't seem perturbed
at all, though. Obviously hitting someone over
the head with a giant mailbox flag in this little
community isn't the rather large social faux pas
it is elsewhere.
I wandered around slaughtering random people
until I got bored and closed the emulator to
write this damn article. Look grateful, you scum.
since this game didn't come with a manual, I'm
including the following, a breakdown of the
in-game screen for the reference of future users.
Stand next to this thing, wiggle the joystick
rapidly left and right then hit the fire button
at the same time as you hit the keyboard very
hard and you can play a Connect 4 subgame!
Marijuana. The corpses under Camp Crystal Lake
ensure the soil is perfect for cultivating these
noxious plants. Collect them for extra energy!
You. This is the person who you shouldn't hit
with an axe.
It's the tree from LOOM, shown here in rare
footage before it became famous.
Your score. This is an example of a 'bad' score.
You again. Nice afro.
Your energy meter. No I don't know why it looks
like a dumbbell between two rulers, leave me
Mailbox flags go here.
I've no idea what the hell these timewasters are
for. Top row, from left to right - Paul Grewald,
Miss Piggy, Little White Girl, Haley Joel Osment,
that's it from me for today. If I find any more
C64 ROMs based on horror films I'm sure you guys
will be the first to know. Ciao for now!
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