time you're feeling sorry for yourself, spare a
thought for poor old officer Matt Cordell of the
NYPD. A supercop who tried to do his superiors
for corruption but who got banged up himself in
Sing-Sing, where some rather disagreeable
characters slit him up a treat in the showers.
Not the most dignified way out.
then he was dead and didn't know where to go. He
tried to get into Hell but they said "We
don't like uncorruptible law enforcement officers
down here," and showed him the door. He
tried to get into Heaven but they said
"Phew, no thank you, you've got scars all
over your face and you smell like a rabbit in a
fish tank, sod off." So eventually Matt
thinks to himself "Well, nothing better to
do ... might as well come back to life and wreak
vengeance upon the people who got me slit
that, dear reader, is the concept of the Maniac
Cop series, one of the many pretenders to the
Jason/Michael/Freddy triumvirate (hee! Long
word!) of the 1980's. The main difference being
that it's actually quite good. Robert Z'Dar (and
if that's not a good name for a Flash Gordon
villain I don't know what is) stars as Mr.
Cordell, a cop who also happens to be a zombie
who also happens to be a maniac, hence the title.
story opens with a flashback from the first film,
in which Cordell gets impaled on a big pole thing
and drives his van into a river, then he appears
after a long (very VERY long) title sequence in a
convenience store during a robbery. And it seems
that he likes to keep a dry ice machine down his
trouser legs, as when he shows up suddenly
everyone's knee deep in smoke. Anyway, he takes a
sawn-off from the robber, shoots the clerk (who
didn't see that coming, apparently unfazed by the
big policeman's handsome features) and gives the
sawn-off back to the aforementioned robber so a
bunch of other cops can turn up and blow him
for a moment - do cops in New York really have to
wear those fruity white cotton gloves? Ha ha ha!
- HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
here's something about the film I haven't
mentioned yet - Bruce Campbell's in it! Well, in
the first bit. He was the hero in the last film,
so obviously (if you know horror films like I do)
he gets killed in this one. Knife through neck.
girlfriend identifies the corpse, whereupon the
investigating officer (one of those gritty macho
cops who is destined to be the hero) starts
asking if she killed him. I'm not even kidding.
Don't they teach you anything at cop school? It's
probably not polite to accuse someone of
murdering their boyfriend ten seconds after
announcing that he's dead. For shame, gritty
macho cop! You should watch Diagnosis Murder one
of these days. Dick Van Dyke, now he knows how to
shows up again briefly for a routine slaying (a
traffic cop towing someone's car away). The sort
of thing you have to include in between all the
serious scenes so as not to bore anyone. Then
Brucey's girlfriend and a psychiatrist chick (who
is destined to become the heroine) meet up with
the cranky fellow, and there's an exciting car
chase, after which psych chick (I should probably
make note of more character names) is handcuffed
to Matt's car which is then pushed down a hill,
and Brucey girlfriend chick attacks Cordell with
a chainsaw (an in-joke perhaps?). The maniac cop
grabs the chainsaw by the blade, ruining only his
fruity gloves (HA HA HA) and swiftly breaks his
yeah, perhaps I should have mentioned this
earlier - Matt's completely indestructible.
That's the thing about these undead types, you
can't seem to finish them off. Especially the
ones who were brought back from the dead by their
fury. Just a thought, but why is it that all
these zombies are brought back by their anger?
Cordell, Michael Myers, the bloke in The Crow,
Jason, Freddy ... all brought back from the dead
by how pissed off they were. Don't get me wrong,
if I'm ever brought back as an unkillable zombie
I'd like it to be by anger, but just for once I'd
like to see a zombie brought back by some other
strong emotion. Like a big libido (Michael Myers
Does Dallas!) or a profound love for Teletubbies.
WINKY: I love you, zombie!
Psych chick survives her encounter and is now
convinced that Cordell wasn't killed at the end
of the last film (duh) but her superiors don't
wanna hear it, blaming the attacks on a copycat.
A copycat who also happens to be a six-foot
musclebound cop with a horribly slashed up face.
Cordell has made friends with another serial
killer, a chap with a big black beard who kills
strippers. He needs extra help if he wants to do
what he's gotta do, man. And when asked his name,
he says one word. Yep, the big silent killer
actually says a word in this movie. He says
"Cordell". Trust me, it's worth the
whole film just to hear that. And incidentally at
this point we notice his nose is missing. He had
it in the last film, so it must have fallen off
... while he was underwater ... completely
ignoring the fact that he's supposed to be
indestructible. And he seems to be decomposing
nicely, now, too.
a stripper, a strip club and a plaster cast,
psych chick, gritty tough cop and some other guy
manage to trap the stripper killer and arrest
him, Meanwhile he warns them that his new best
pal will come break him out. Which he does. In an
oddly decorative way, too, storming into the cop
shop and blowing away everyone he encounters.
Look closely at the bit when he's walking through
the main lobby area - a plate glass window
actually shatters BEFORE he bursts through it! Ha
ha! I'm clever 'cos I noticed that!
there are two recurring motifs in this film.
People being thrown through windows, and bad guys
having bad teeth. Cordell, the stripper killer,
the robber at the beginning - let's just say they
probably don't floss much.
cops are thrown through windows (I wish I could
be a glazier in this city, it's probably a
terribly lucrative trade) and Cordell busts his
new pal out, together with another new pal he
made while in custody. They also kidnap psych
chick. They're planning on going back to
Sing-Sing. Stripper killer thinks it's 'cos
Cordell wants to raise an army of serial killers,
and Cordell doesn't confirm this, but it's
probably safe to assume that that was pretty low
down on his agenda, as we learn later.
little party steal a bus and drive straight
through a barricade of police cars. One car
explodes as it is knocked aside. Now I don't
believe that's really true to life, do you? Come
on, someone e-mail me. You know my address. Would
a police car really explode instantly if you
knocked against it in a bus? That's your science
project for today, kids!
arrives back at the prison where he was killed,
and is just about to do what he came there to do
when the police commissioner, egged on by gritty
bloke, talks to him over the tannoy. You may
remember that Cordell was framed by said
commissioner and a bunch of other people who got
killed in the last film. Well, the commissioner
apologises to Matt and offers to reverse all the
charges against him. And much to my
disappointment, Cordell seems to accept the deal.
mean, come on, he's already killed enough people
to fill a reasonably-sized Afterlife football
stadium! And now he just drops it all 'cos the
people who framed him said sorry. Well, gee,
thanks. That pissed me off. He should've walked
up to them slowly, looked into their eyes, held
out a hand to shake theirs, then just snap all
their necks. That's what I would've done! I
dunno, if you're framed and imprisoned, slit up,
killed, brought back, shot a bunch of times,
impaled, drowned and shot a bunch more times,
you're gonna want a bit more than an apology
before you start forgiving and forgetting.
suddenly realises that the convicts who slit him
up are still around in the prison, and thinks to
himself "Well, don't care about my superiors
anymore ... let's just kill those bastards."
One of the bastards in question lights him on
fire, and just to prove he's better than Michael
Myers, it doesn't faze him much. He, in turn,
lights on fire all the people who killed him,
then the stripper killer gets angry and stabs
him, so he gets lit on fire too. Then they both
crash through a wall and land on the bus, which
only the convicts had known the walls in
Sing-Sing were made of polystyrene, hmm?
occurs to me that there's another sequel to
Maniac Cop out there somewhere, so the main
feature in that will be a cop who's not only
horribly scarred but also horribly burnt, too.
Good thing there's not a Maniac Cop 4, or it'll
probably be about a pile of misshapen, scorched
flesh in a cop uniform slithering around killing
is buried with full military honours, and gritty
bloke and psych chick wander off making some deep
philosophical comment about how there's a Cordell
inside every cop. Then, and you see this coming a
mile off, Matt's hand breaks out of the coffin.
Still wearing the fruity white glove. HA HA HA HA
HA. The end.
that I smell? Ratings!
in ears rating - 5/10
Some jumpy moments, but nothing you
don't see coming a mile off.
to last film rating - 7/10
Maniac cop kills people. Other cops deny
it. Gets killed in the end. Turns out to be not
as dead as they thought he was. So yeah.
nekkid and DIE! rating - 3/10
Considering one of the characters is a
stripper killer, it's odd that none of the
strippers we see actually die in the film.
There's one who's already dead and naked on a
mortuary slab, but that doesn't really count.
and guts rating - 6/10
Yeah, a fair amount of shootings and
stabbings. And let's not forget people being
hurled through windows.
heroes rating - 4/10
I didn't relate with them much, but I
can't say I actually hated them ... and let's not
forget that Bruce Campbell's in it! Woo!
horror movie sequel rating - 5/10
Like B-Movies? You odd person. See this.
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