an interesting concept, isn't it? The Freddy
Krueger films, I mean. A child murderer gets
torched by a load angry parents and comes back to
take revenge on their children in their dreams.
But what with there being six sequels you have to
wonder exactly how many parents were present at
the great Freddy cook-out. Was someone selling
tickets or something? Was the K-man too wrapped
up in his work to notice the rattle of turnstiles
and shout of hot dog peddlers outside his house?
this here is one of the best of the series:
Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Or
perhaps a more appropriate name for this film
would have been Densemare on Stupid Street Thick:
Braindead Warriors. Everyone in this film is
dangerously stupid. Not 'A glacier is a bloke who
fixes windows' stupid, mind. More sort of 'I
wonder what will happen if I stick this carrot in
the wall socket' stupid. Without exception.
go from the start. This girl is trying to keep
awake. She's making a model of a house out of
papier mache and lolly sticks. Whenever she nods
slightly she has a spoonful of raw coffee and a
swig of Coke and turns the radio up. Then her
slutty mother (who is clearly thick) nags her
into bed, where she falls instantly asleep. Yes,
that's right. She's been scorfing down raw coffee
all night but when she's in bed she's instantly
fast asleep. I think you were using the wrong
sort of coffee, missy.
dreams of the house she's building with all these
little kids running round it. Some little girl on
a trike goes in the front door so main girl
chases after her. Now, come on! From frequent
reference we know she's been having this sort of
dream for ages! Surely she must know by now not
to go in that freakin' house!
well. My therapist tells me I shouldn't get so
worked up about that sort of thing. She picks up
the little girl and flees down a corridor. In
several scenes she is holding what the producers
would like you to think is a little girl but is
transparently a dolly. Then she steps in some
squelchy mud and starts running on the spot. I'm
not kidding, you have to see this to believe it.
She doesn't get stuck in mud so she can't move,
nor do her feet slip, she just runs on the spot
for a few seconds while yelling in distress.
Round the corner comes the highlight of the film
- Fred Krueger, Esq. Fortunately (or possibly
not) the girl remembers the correct sequence of
movements for running forwards and evades Freddy
seconds before he slashes her.
that Freddy is the master of the dream world. If
he so wanted he could snap his fingers and every
dreaming child in the known universe would
disentegrate in their beds. But no! He's far too
thick and villain-y for that sort of thing, he
wants to faff about first.
speed plot mode. She goes to a nut house full of
kids all being tormented by the K-man, being
looked after by baffled staff too thick to be
impressed by the fact that all the kids dreamed
about the same guy before they even met. The only
member of staff who believes them is some thick
chick called Nancy who's the obligatory Character
From A Previous Film. She's on dream-suppressing
drugs to keep Freddy at bay and argues that the
kids should be given the same drugs.
enough, I thought. They're all mortified of these
nightmares and seem to be killing themselves
because of them. But thick matron type woman
won't have it! She is right and everyone else is
wrong. This matron type woman will indirectly
kill most of the cast and blame someone else.
What a bitch. Dr. Neil (twinkly-eyed doctor type
person) is sympathetic to Nancy but doesn't
believe her about Freddy - can you blame him? -
until one kid sleepwalks off a building and
another gets her head stuck in a TV (a cool
from matron bitch's prying eyes Neil, Nancy and
the remaining kids go into group hypnosis and
enter the dream world. Nancy (who now believes
herself to be an expert on this sort of thing
just 'cos she almost defeated Freddy in the first
film, the prissy cow) teaches the misfits to use
their individual Dream Powers. Some wheelchair
bound D&D-playing kid shows off his new
wizard powers. Token black kid bends a chair.
Ex-heroin addict girl becomes ... er ... a
cockatoo, I think. Or perhaps that was the hair.
Enough of this nancy-boy bollocks, let's have
more Freddy. He attacks them and puts some mute
kid into a coma, but the rest escape.
convinced, but matron-woman blames the coma on
the drugs and has he and Nancy fired right away.
Now, I reckon the best course of action for the
kids was to now enter another group dream and
invade matron's dreams, then kick her arse with
their dream-powers. But no, they're far too thick
and misfitty for that.
the advice of an anonymous nun, Neil and Nancy's
dad (who originally killed Freddy Krueger, what a
pleasant coincidence) go and find Freddy's
remains in the middle of a scrapyard and prepare
to give him a proper funeral, putting Freddy's
unquiet soul at rest. Meanwhile Nancy sneaks into
the kids' room and they enter a new group dream,
but get separated in Freddy's house of fun.
D&D kid is attacked by a wheelchair but then
summons his wizard powers and blows it up, which
surprises the K-man no end. But then D&D kid
tries to use his zappy power on Freddy, and is
thick enough to walk right up to him as he does
it, and gets razors in his heart for his trouble.
Heroin-addict girl shows off her new switchblades
and infuriating sense of superiority.
Unimpressed, Freddy introduces Miss Vein to Mr
Heroin Overdose. Two down. This is the sort of
film that makes you hope the villain wins. And he
does. But in a disguised way.
kid, girl from first scene and girl from previous
film are all that remain to rescue comatosed kid
from Freddy. They confront him in some dark
smokey place. Nancy puts a spike through him.
Now, this is one of the thickest moments of the
film, 'cos Freddy grins and removes the spike,
and the kids realise he isn't human. Er, what?
Didn't all the other stuff give you a clue?
I'd've thought if there's one thing the kids have
been certain of so far, it's that the K-man ain't
human no more, but no. Apparently he had to
survive a spike through the chest to clinch the
through killing black kid Freddy senses
something, and vanishes. How rude. Back in the
waking world, Freddy's skeletal remains come to
life, kick Neil's ass and kill Nancy's dad. Neil
lies unconscious in the grave they had prepared
for the K-man, and the skeleton buries him alive.
At least, I presume that was the plan. News
flash, Freddy - three spadefuls of dirt does not
constitute 'burying alive'. It's certainly no
reason to roar in triumph then return to
dreamland to finish off the kids. Over the next
few scenes Neil un-buries himself (or rather,
gets out from under a one-millimetre layer of
dirt) and shoves the now-quiet remains back in
if Freddy can sense his grave being dug he can
sense his remains being put in them, but
apparently he's too busy with the kids. After
mute kid discovers his dream power (a voice, of
all things) and breaks a few mirrors the kids
come to the rather premature conclusion that
they've defeated Freddy. It seems adrenaline
makes people even more thick. The ghost of
Nancy's dad comes down to say farewell to the
girl herself. You know half-way through the
touching hug that, duh, it's not Nancy's dad. In
go the knives and down goes Nancy. Slam goes the
door and scream goes the other girl.
her death throes Nancy sticks Freddy full of his
own knives, while Neil sprinkles holy water on
his remains. Now Neil, I know you're a bit
agitated, but let's review some dialogue from
that nun friend of yours - "You must bury
his remains on hallowed ground". I don't
know if you personally consider the middle of a
scrapyard hallowed ground, but I think any
passing clergyman would argue. Neil, you utter
twit. I think we've discovered the reason why
Nightmare on Elm Street 4 existed, and why, at
some point in NOES 6, Freddy says "First
they tried to burn me, then they tried to bury
me, then - and this is what tickles me - they
even tried holy water."
the dream world Freddy is destroyed in a burst of
light by the holy water and disappears through an
imaginary door with an imaginary sign above it
reading 'To The Sequel'. Nancy dies, surviving
kids and Neil attend the funeral, Neil discovers
his nun friend was the ghost of Freddy's dead
mum. Shyeah, like anyone didn't know that. And
the film has the obligatory 'Thing at the end
where we know there's gonna be a sequel'.
there we go, that's Nightmare on Elm Street 3.
Thick people get killed, other thick people
survive to get killed in the sequel. It's a
brutish life as a victim in an Elm Street film.
in ears rating - 4/10
There aren't many jumpy moments you
don't see coming a mile off, but the TV scene was
just sooo cool.
to last film rating - 4/10
Nightmare on Elm Street 2 was just so
gay. Literally. Dream Warriors introduces new
concepts and stuff, it's not just another
bloodbath, so it gets a low mark. Four points for
Freddy and use of character from a previous film.
nekkid and DIE! rating - 5/10
Tricky one. Only person who gets nekkid
turns out to be Freddy in disguise, and I suppose
Freddy's already dead, isn't he? Give it a five
and guts rating - 5/10
Surprisingly tame for a Freddy film.
Nowhere near as bloody as NOES 1 or even (gay)
NOES 2. Some blood when blond girl slits her
wrist, but not much, and a bit where some kid's
veins come out of his arms and legs is nice and
heroes rating - 10/10
Hell yeah! I didn't like Nancy in the
first film, and now she's a prissy bitch, too.
Neil is a tosser. TV-head girl is too girly.
D&D kid is just such a prat. Ex-heroin girl
and black kid are arrogant as hell. And mute
kid's a loser. You end up rooting for Freddy.
horror movie sequel rating - 6/10
Sure it's a good film, but is it like a
normal horror movie sequel? Oh dear me no.
This film also stars Laurence Fishburne in one of
his early roles, and in the credits his name is
"Larry Fishburne". I found this
incredibly amusing and I don't know why. He
doesn't get killed. Maybe Event Horizon can
scratch that itch for you.
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