| 25/1/06:
All Hill Breaks Loose New feature today, called
Silent Hill Showdown. I promise to stop
writing so much crap about Silent Hill from now
on. If you didn't grasp the fact that the link to
the feature was in the first sentence of this
paragraph, here it is again. The link was in those
four words there.
- Yahtzee
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12/1/06:
Too Angry To Write Puns Right Now
Okay, as I write
this I am experiencing a mood swing. I don't know
what that means to other people but for me it
generally means me being depressed with no
explanation beyond a semi-coherent 'eh' and a
sort of inconclusive attempt at a shrug. And
after that, I start feeling extremely angry for
similarly absent reasons. It's just a sense of
deep and gnawing generic fury at everything
around me with no outlet save for hammering away
on a keyboard for a while. Perhaps if the rage is
still with me by the time I'm finished I'll even
upload this as an update in a fit of spite.
Here, then, is a
short concise list of everything that's making me
angry right now:
- The hot
Australian summer sun sitting on its big blue
high horse like a big fucking shit
- The fan to my
immediate right that is not pointed directly at
me, because I've heard somewhere that fans
actually take away cool breezes from everything
it's not pointed at
- The Awful
Forums, because none of the threads I'm
interested in have updated in the last minute or
so
- The curious
smell rising from the armpits of the Hawaiian
shirt that I have been wearing for probably too
long and which I refuse to put in the wash
because laundry in this flat gets done with a
frequency roughly equivalent to extinction level
events
- The community
of ants that seem to think the bounty of crumbs
to be had on my kitchen worktop is worth risking
me and my apocalyptic dustpan and brush
- My girlfriend
playing Animal Crossing behind me selling her
green table in an infuriatingly blase fashion
- My tummy
because it is hungry and I'll have to get up and
microwave myself some fucking dinner but I can't
because I'm too angry to stop writing this
twatflappery
- The USELESS
FUCKING CUNTRUNTS who keep FILLING IN THESE FUCKING ONE HUNDRED
QUESTIONS
and SENDING THEM TO ME because they don't seem to
GRASP the fact that actually ANSWERING THE
QUESTIONS removes the WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THE
FEATURE
- Every single
one of the people who do now and have ever posted
on my forum, some of whom also fit into the above
category
- The fact that
I have another idea for a fucking game that I
really want to make but can't because I'm still
doing 1213 but now progress is slowing on that
due to all my passion for that project bleeding
into the new idea
- Blockbuster
Video for not having the game I wanted to rent
- My editor at
Hyper who is often slow to answer email during
busy magazine editing periods, which I fully
understand and respect, but which nevertheless
sets me off like a churning trough of boiling jam
I think that's
it. No, wait, here comes another one:
- The entire
world and every single fucking person in it
especially the ones who had even the slightest
involvement in bringing me into existence
Okay, that's
enough, this isn't healthy. I'll just look at a
picture of a dog until I have calmed down.
RAGHR
STOP LAUGHING AT ME DOG I'LL MAIM YOUR DAD
- Yahtzee
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3/1/06:
Animal Tossing
I've been
playing a lot of Animal Crossing on the Gamecube
recently, and since I haven't done one lately I
decided to write a review of it. Of course, these
days I'm often in funny moods brought on from
dehydration and subsequently it's a somewhat
unconventional review. Anyway, click here or on the pretty picture
to read it.
In
other news, the new Hyper with my new article
(it's about Dizzy, incidentally) is out now in
Australia, so buy it and ensure my continued
status as pet freelancer for Next Publishing.
In
other other news, Alex Thompson sent me an
awesome piece of 5 Days A Stranger fanart. Click here to check it out. Why
can't the rest of you be as awesome as Alex
Thompson?
- Yahtzee
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30/12/05:
Release Day
The first
episode of 1213 is now complete and ready for
downloading on its own special page. Click here for a direct download if
you are an impatient soul, but then you'll miss
the cool title graphic I spent five minutes on.
Also:
screenshots!
Not sure when
episode 2 will be complete. I'll probably want to
have a bit of a breather first, I really was
working flat out on this.
- Yahtzee
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27/12/05:
I Am Not A Number
Okay, so I guess
I should tell you about this new game I'm working
on.
Since Galaxy of Fantabulous
Wonderment, I have continued to experiment
with the limits of AGS, and what variations on
the theme of adventure can be devised with a
little imagination and a little neurotic
obsessiveness. The other day, I was struck with
this thought: could it be possible to make a
Prince of Persia or Flashback-style game in AGS?
Apparently, yes.
And it was easier than I thought, so I quickly
rustled up an engine. When I was happy with it, I
started making a game. The game is entitled 1213,
pronounced Twelve Thirteen, and it tells the
story of an amnesiac who escapes from the cell in
which he has remained for as long as he can
remember to quest for the answers he seeks.
I'm planning to
release it in an episodic manner as soon as each
episode is done, with a planned 3 episodes so
far. At present, all I have is a brief demo to
demonstrate the gameplay style and mechanics.
Feel free to download it from one of the
following sites (thanks by the way to roushimsx
on the Awful Forums for the hosting):
Mirror 1 - Mirror 2
I'm working
pretty fast on the first episode because this is
my new obsession. As my girlfriend pointed out to
me recently, I probably wouldn't achieve so much
if I wasn't completely neurotic.
Oh yeah - pick
up the next issue of Hyper, there'll be another
article by me in it.
- Yahtzee
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25/12/05:
Ay Gee Ess: Eff You
Sorry about the
absence of updates lately, but I've been working
pretty obsessively on my latest AGS fancy. And
when a fancy takes me, I have to go with it,
because I don't get enthusiastic about many
things these days. It's too damn hot.
I would have
been working on the game today, and possibly
finished a playable demo I intended to release,
but every time I tried to start up AGS it'd close
down with the following error message:
You know, as
much as I respect Chris Jones for his awesome
program, this is the wankiest feature I've ever
seen. Maybe I can't spend time with my family,
Mr. Jones, maybe they're all 12,000 miles away.
Maybe it's too fucking hot to go out and do
anything. Maybe I LIKE working on games and this
would have been my Christmas present to myself.
Maybe the demo I would probably have released
today would have been my Christmas present to the
world. Well, now that's all ruined, Mr. Don't
Work On Your Game At Christmas.
At least until I
change my Windows clock. But it's so hot and I
can't be arsed.
- Yahtzee
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12/12/05:
Hello My Future Arterial Blockage
Sometimes, I get
the urge to eat a Big Mac.
Now, I don't
even like Big Macs that much. As a meal, it's not
appealing to the gourmet. They usually put so
much of that horrible pink dressing on that
that's the only thing you can taste.
Additionally, I'm pretty sure it would be
healthier to drink a one litre bottle of canola
oil neat than to eat a Big Mac. And when you bite
down on it everything between the top bread and
the bottom bread shoots across the room to land
in the hairy exposed arse crack of a breakfasting
truck driver.
But every now
and again, when I come into some money, like for
instance when my payment has just come through
for an article I wrote for a magazine whose name
rhymes with 'Diaper', in between paying my bills
and blowing the rest on video games I'll suddenly
realise how lucky I am to be living in a
capitalistic society where you are free to blow
as much money as you like on stupid shit. And
like a good acolyte, I pay my respects to the
higher power that makes it all possible.
And so I will
buy that Big Mac, and I will eat it, and I will
go home and have a monster shit, because
capitalism may be a flawed and cynical system,
but it's a system that allows us to blow our
money on video games and stuff ourselves with
crap that make our aortas scream for mercy, and
for now, that is a moment to celebrate.
- Yahtzee
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12/01/05:
The New Regime
If you live in
Australia, pick up this month's edition of Hyper
magazine, because within its pages you will find
my print debut. A four-page article on amateur
adventure game design, because apparently that's
all I'm qualified to write about. Please buy a
copy and one for all your friends because they
paid me 400 bucks for that and I can now
gratefully pay my gas bill.
Let me explain
to you how this site is going to go from now on.
Between personal projects, Gridwerx and magazine writing it's
becoming more and more of a chore to hammer out
the occasional lengthy update for this site, so
it looks like Chris & Trilby is going to be the sole
regularly updated section while this place your
reading now will be delegated to the simple
duties of news, new feature reporting and the
general services of a blog. If I do come up with
ideas for essays or reviews they'll probably be
kind of rare and have their own page. I just
can't be arsed to update as much as I used to.
That's all;
enjoy the comic.
- Yahtzee
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24/11/05:
Look To The Left
Slight site
redesign, as you may have noticed. I added a new
'sample panel' showcasing the latest Chris & Trilby strip, to make it more
obvious when a new one is uploaded. Incidentally,
there's a new Chris & Trilby strip, so click on the
image to the left to read it. Hopefully I can get
back into it now NaNoWriMo is behind me.
- Yahtzee
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21/11/05:
Winner Takes It All
The last two
chapters of Fog Juice, 17 and 18, can be read by
respectively clicking here and here. I decided to put them
both up at the same time because 18 is little
more than an epilogue. I've also made a special page for the chapters and
linked to it from the Novels page for posterity.
Yes, with the
conclusion of chapter 18 Fog Juice clocks a grand
total of 50,927 words, meaning that a NaNoWriMo winner is me with ten whole days
to spare. This should communicate strongly that I
really have the stuff to be a writer and you
should probably found a major publishing house
and give me large sums of money.
Thanks to
everyone who supported my effort over the last
twenty days. Now maybe we can get back to
business as usual.
- Yahtzee
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1/11/05:
Let's Get Authorous
(I
rearranged all the novel updates in reverse order
so the newest chapters appear at the top, you
lucky cunts)
UPDATE
19/11/05: Sweet Christmas, it's chapter sixteen!
"Instantly
I was assailed with a feeling, in the same way I
was assailed by disgust and loathing whenever I
neared Bulstrode's realm. This was different,
though, in that it felt unpleasant in an entirely
different way. It just felt... really, really
boring."
UPDATE
18/11/05: We're steamrolling towards the
finish line with chapter fifteen.
"I'm
going on a picnic," I said in a monotone,
"and I'm taking anthrax, beer, coffee,
doughnuts, estrogen, flamingoes, glue, horses,
ink, jelly, Knackwurst, lemonade and
murder."
UPDATE
17/11/05: The action really hots up with
chapter fourteen.
"We had
thought about getting hold of some 12-gauge
shotguns, but Frobisher now considered guns to be
a heathen Western decadence and Rose and I, as
pirates, were determined not to use anything that
had been invented in the last hundred years or
so."
UPDATE
16/11/05: Absolutely nothing rhymes with
chapter thirteen.
"My
parents wanted me to become a goth and kill
myself in my teens," I said, nostalgically.
"They kept leaving razor blades in the
bathroom and pushed Cure CDs under my door.
They're probably pretty pissed off I lasted this
long. Why are you all looking at me like
that?"
UPDATE
15/11/05: Now let's delve into chapter twelve.
"The Black Pudding,
the ship that had so recently rocked with the
laughter of drunken corsairs and the sound of
Stinger being levered from the back molars, was
now a silent, drifting ghost ship. A thriving
crew of mischievous buccaneers reduced to five.
Well, five useful crewmembers and about
twenty-six mindless ones in the brig playing a
neverending game of Musical Statues. Sailing the
galleon with just five people - well, four and a
half, Penfold was only an accountant after all -
was difficult enough, and it became no easier
after we made the command decision to tie Lance
and Quentin to the mast."
UPDATE
14/11/05: Been quiet over the weekend
because I kind of have a life now. Anyway, here's
chapter eleven.
"And then he had to
stop talking, because the bullet that then lodged
itself in his brain destroyed his ability to say
things."
UPDATE
11/11/05: Here we go again with chapter ten.
"I woke
up in my hammock that morning to find a crossbow
being aimed at my face. This is a position in
which I have decided I do not like waking
up."
UPDATE
10/11/05: Oh look, chapter nine. It's very fine, is
chapter nine.
"Sometimes
we didn't even want to plunder it. Maybe our
cargo decks were already full of booty or we had
pressing engagements elsewhere. But when we see a
civilian vessel, and they start trying to flee
from us, and you can just imagine how terrified
the crew are, it almost feels discourteous not to
give them the chase they expect. And then of
course it's down with the boarding planks and
over on the swingy ropes to start waving
cutlasses threateningly and going 'aharr'."
UPDATE
9/11/05: Blah blah chapter eight blah blah.
"When I
caught a glimpse of my opponent as he approached,
the crowd parting before him like the Red Sea, I
freely admit that my balls instantly shrank into
my body. He was the biggest pirate - and very
nearly the biggest man - I had ever seen in my
life. He was easily seven feet tall, and his body
looked like a pile of boulders sewn into a
man-shaped leather pouch. What little part of his
face was visible behind his gigantic and
obviously real beard was shaped entirely from
scar tissue. It was like looking at a walnut
trapped in a gorse bush."
UPDATE
8/11/05: Chapter seven and we're still going
strong. Current word count: 24,035, so nyah.
"I
didn't like the sound of that. I attempted to say
something witty and cynical but all that came out
was a hacking cough and a few fluid ounces of
seawater. "Not that I'm complaining, but why
did you come back?" I croaked, dreading the
answer, certain as I was that it would involve
keelhauling or oceanic buggery."
UPDATE
7/11/05: I expect you'll be expecting
chapter six, but before that I'd like to add that
I got bored this morning and made a proper novel
cover in Photoshop for the bizarre parallel
universe in which Fog Juice gets published. Click
on the free sample below to see the full, awesome
version, which makes reference to the novel's
growing obsession with Swizzels chew bars:
And now, after a
one day rest I can now produce the equally
mediocre chapter six:
"We had
splashed down in the sea some distance from
Accountancy Island and were then swept into warm
surface currents, so even if we did both acquire
retarding brain injuries and want to go back to
Bulstrode's little homegrown concentration camp,
it would prove physically impossible anyway. The
best we could hope for now was to find some other
island, passing sailing ship, or failing that an
accommodating shark who could be persuaded to
bite our heads off with merciful speed."
UPDATE
5/11/05: Sing hallelujah my children for
chapter five.
"I've
never been very good at making friends, because
of my tendency to alienate people by having
unabashed and frequently expressed contempt for
almost everyone I meet. But I could concede that,
in this cramped environment, I would either have
to make friends with Penfold or end up trying to
kill each other for food. It was time, then, to
reaffirm his self-esteem."
Stay tuned to
this entry for future additions over the coming
month.
UPDATE
4/11/05: Chapter four, somewhat predictably.
I'm up to about 12000 words because I am the most
prolific man alive.
"It's
the little things. A missing cell on an LCD
calculator here, a vending machine getting stuck
there. We started to notice the little signs. He
started using staplers in a really savage manner.
He answered phones by saying 'hello' in a really
sarcastic tone of voice. Then he draped an old
quilt over his cubicle so no-one could see what
he was doing and disappeared into it for days at
a time. I think the final straw came when his
computer screensaver came on when he was trying
to read something. We found him in the supply
cupboard eating shredded documents and the
courier's left leg."
UPDATE
3/11/05: Ta ra ra chapter three de ay.
"There
are times in everyone's life when sudden gear
changes have to be made. Just when you think
you've got it all figured out, that whatever
happens you at least have the lowdown on the
situation, some hitherto unknown factor comes out
of nowhere and knocks you right off your bike.
It's like that moment everyone goes through in
the school playground. Just when you've got the
hang of the fact that girls smell and have nits
and if you touch them you catch girl disease,
bang, touching girls suddenly becomes the in
thing and you're right back to square one."
UPDATE
2/11/05: Chapter two is in a state of
uppedness.
"Around
the third day I was getting pretty hungry.
Fishing was out of the question, because leaving
aside the whole rod aspect I was being followed
by several angry sharks with splinters and they
would no doubt snatch anything I tried to reel
in. I tried making an artful little salad from
bits of wood, but it wasn't very appetising, so I
opted to peel off the soles of my shoes and chew
them. I'd heard that shoe leather can offer some
nutrients this way. Of course, I was wearing
trainers, but I was hoping if I didn't think
about it too much then my digestive system could
be fooled."
The first chapter of Fog Juice is ready
for inspection. Here's a sample.
"The
shop had the biggest variety of cakes I had ever
seen. They started with traditional chocolate and
vanilla flavours, moving through slightly more
esoteric ones like avocado or chicken, before
starting on the completely ridiculous flavours
like bricks and existentialism."
Stay tuned to
this entry for future additions over the coming
month.
- Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
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